Selfish Love

INT. ON CAMERA – ITALIAN RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Randy AGE 33, Hispanic, thick black hair, well dresses, sits
in a longue chair by the dance floor.
He lights a cigarette.
SOUND soft music hums over the loud speaker.
The sound of high hills tapping against the marble floor,
turns his head to a shadow down the hallway.
SOUND soft music becomes clear.
MUSIC Jesse Ware “Selfish Love”
Nicolette AGE 29, Hispanic, long brown hair, well dressed,
walks in.
She walks to Randy, leaning over, runs her hands down the
front of his suit. Her lips come to his ear.
NICOLETTE
(Singing) Baby let’s be honest
about this. There’s only room for
one in your heart, so tell me
darling why are we like this…
Nicolette walks away.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
(Singing) I must admit that I kind
of like it…
Randy grabs her hand, bringing her back, spins her to the
dance floor.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
(Singing) Oh you’re acting sweet. I
know what that means.
They move in to kiss.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
(Singing) Oh these games we play,
always end the same…
INT. OFF CAMERA – STUDIO SET – DAY
Woody Allen, AGE 82, disheveled, sits in the directors chair.
Michael Bay, AGE 52, dressed in his usual garb, sits
adjacent.
MICHAEL
Cut!
Michael jumps from his chair and walks to the actors,
motioning positions with his hands. The actors nod.
Woody follows carrying a copy of the script.
WOODY
Cut? What do you mean cut? You
don’t yell cut on this set, on my
set. I’m the director.
Michael stops.
MICHAEL
You asked for my help and I’m…
WOODY
I asked for your opinion on certain
things, mainly pertaining to the
action scenes. The, the, the
explosions and so forth, by telling
me what I should do verbally, not
by yelling cut every five seconds.
Woody turns and points to the chair.
WOODY (CONT’D)
You’ve gotten off that chair seven
times already. Seven times, I’ve
counted each one, and well I didn’t
want to say anything at first but
you know a man, a director I should
say because that’s what I am, can
only take so much.
Michael nods to the actors and returns to his chair, with his
script hand.
WOODY (CONT’D)
Thank you. I very much appreciate
that. You presence is very helpful
but stay in the chair next time.
Woody turns to the actors.
WOODY (CONT’D)
Don’t listen to that shmuck,
whatever he says you don’t listen
to him, you listen to me. I’m the
one directing you, not, not that
guy over there who feels so
entitled in his chair.
2.
The actors nod. Woody runs through the script in his hand.
WOODY (CONT’D)
(Mumbling) He goes back, he takes a
drink, and sits down.
(Pause)
Okay, right here at the line I know
what that means Randy, you pull up
her leg beside you like in the
Tango and reveal the knife strapped
to her body. Then she says Oh these
games we play, and you take the
knife, she reaches in your jacket
pocket for the gun, you switch
sides. Randy throws the knife,
Nicolette shots. Yadda, Yadda,
Yadda…
The actors nod in agreement.
WOODY (CONT’D)
So lets just start from the line I
know what that means.
Woody returns to his chair.
WOODY (CONT’D)
Cue music. Action!
INT. ON CAMERA – ITALIAN RESTAURANT – NIGHT
NICOLETTE
(Singing) Oh your acting sweet. I
know what that means…
Nicolette lifts her leg. Randy catches it removing the small
knife strapped at the side.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
(Singing) Oh these games we play.
Nicolette reaches into Randy’s Jacket pocket, revealing a
hand gun.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
(Singing) Always end the same…
A tall heavy man enters the room with vigor towards Randy and
Nicolette carrying a gun, unloading rounds in their
direction. A second man comes up from behind the bar, aimed
to kill.
3.
Randy throws the knife at the heavy man, catching him in the
leg. He stumbles, sliding his gun across the floor. Randy
slides Nicolette behind a couch, laying on top of her for
protection.
Shots fire around them.
Randy and Nicolette speak OFF CAMERA
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
I tripped the wires.
RANDY
Do you think we’ll really need
that?
NICOLETTE
I thought that’s what you wanted me
to do?
RANDY
Well, just in case.
NICOLETTE
(Whispering) You didn’t let me take
the shot. You’re always trying to
make these jobs about you. What
about me?
Randy exhales.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
Just like a man.
RANDY
(Whispering) That’s not part of the
script.
Randy leans in for a kiss. Nicolette blocks his mouth with
her hand.
NICOLETTE
(Whispering) Neither is that.
Randy covers her lips with his hand, pressing his body
against her.
RANDY
(Whispering) We have to act like
actors. We’re did all this hard
work for a job.
(Pause)
(MORE)
4.
Take the shot at Woody Allen right
between the eyes, like the boss
said, or we don’t get the money.
(Pause)
Wait for the line. Can you do that?
Randy removes his hand.
NICOLETTE
If you ever!
RANDY
I’ll take that as a yes.
Randy kisses Nicolette in an attempt to calm her. She
submits.
ON SET bystanders scatter in fear.
INT. OFF CAMERA – STUDIO SET – DAY
MICHAEL
Cut! Cut. Cut. No.
Michael walks on set. Woody follows.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
It needs more action! More
consequence. He takes out a knife,
Nicolette takes a Walther PPK out
of his coat, meanwhile big man over
here comes in with MP5’s unloading
30 rounds on the room, people are
running around in fear but not one
person gets hit by a bullet?
WOODY
Michael, maybe if would be better
if you watched from outside the
studio.
Woody places his hands on Michael’s shoulders.
Michael shrugs them off.
MICHAEL
Why would I do that? You wanted me
here to help, and I’m helping. This
is what I do.
RANDY (CONT’D)
5.
WOODY
Yes, yes you are but I’m slowly
realizing that you might be much
more helpful if you stood over by
the door there.
(Pause)
You know, just as a helping echoing
in the distance, instead of a
constant nagging wife.
Michael turns to give Woody a look. Woody shrugs.
MICHAEL
I’m just saying that there should
be more cuts to the people that are
dying around them, so that the
audience gets a sense for how
dangerous the situation is. You
have to keep them at the edge of
their seats.
WOODY
I like making people laugh. That’s
why the two are literally dancing
around this very serious situation.
It’s more fun that way.
MICHAEL
That’s what you’re good at, and I’m
good at blowing things up which is
clearly what you need more
direction with.
Michael continues his rambling.
Woody turns to Randy and Nicolette.
WOODY
Give us a minute. Take 5 or maybe
10.
Randy’s phone is heard, vibrating in his pocket. He walks off
set.
Nicolette follows.
NICOLETTE
Are you trying to get us fired, in
more ways than one.
RANDY
What, now you’re the film police? I
thought you hated this particular
job.
6.
NICOLETTE
Of course I hate it. It’s a lot
more work. Its like actual work,
when our normal hits take no more
than 15 minutes tops. We get in, we
get out, without being seen, heard,
or leaving a shred of evidence
behind.
RANDY
You didn’t mind me leaving evidence
all over your tailor last night.
NICOLETTE
Shut up, and answer the phone, it’s
probably him.
Randy answers.
RANDY
(On the phone) Yes we’re here of
course. I understand we’re almost
there. We just can’t break
character now. We have to wait for
the right moment.
(Pause)
Yes of course Mr. Corleone. It will
be us. No one else can get on the
set without specific clearance.
Randy steps away from Nicolette. Nicolette notices a man,
dressed in a trench coat, rushing up a set of stairs behind
the directors.
Woody Allen and Michael Bay continue their light banter.
NICOLETTE
(Mouthing) Georgie Goletti…
CUT TO:
INT. THE BOSS’S HEADQUARTERS – DAY
MICKEY CORLEONE, A.K.A. THE BOSS’S HEADQUARTERS
The Boss, AGE 56 italian, well dressed, sits at his desk,
holding the phone to his ear, listening to Randy, with a
disgruntled face.
7.
THE BOSS
I just got a tip that he was headed
your way, but I reassured them that
my best two were handling it. You
wouldn’t want to make a liar out of
me now would you?
RANDY
No Sir.
THE BOSS
(Strained) Then handle it.
The Boss hangs up the phone.
INT. OFF CAMERA – STUDIO SET – DAY
Randy walks back to Nicolette.
RANDY
Yes Sir.
Randy hangs up.
NICOLETTE
I just saw him.
RANDY
Who?
NICOLETTE
Goletti. He went up the stairs over
there.
Randy notices shadow movements at the top of the stairs.
RANDY
We have to take him out.
INT. ON SET – ITALIAN RESTAURANT – DAY
WOODY
We’re ready to go again. Everyone
to their marks please.
Woody motions to Randy and Nicolette.
They look to each other, and walk back.
8.
INT. OFF CAMERA – STUDIO SET – DAY
RANDY
He’s going to get to him before we
do. We have to be two steps ahead
or Georgie Goletti will be the one
getting paid.
NICOLETTE
Stop worrying about him, and think
about your lines. You have to stay
focused so I can get a clear shot.
RANDY
You sound just like a man
sometimes.
NICOLETTE
(Smerking) Sometimes I have to be.
INT. OFF CAMERA – STUDIO SET – DAY
WOODY
And action!
Film is rolling.
An assistant, carrying a clip board and a stack of papers
walks to Woody Allen, delivering a sealed envelope.
He takes it.
MICHAEL
Fan mail?
WOODY
Not while I’m working. I have to
stay focused on my craft and in the
zone so that I keep myself in tune
with the theme of the story. I
can’t have little distractions like
this…
Woody leans into the tiny lettering typed across the middle.
MICHAEL
What is it?
WOODY
I think it’s from him. I’ve been
getting random letter like this,
for a month now.
9.
Woody opens the manila envelope.
MICHAEL
Who’s him? What is he sending you?
Woody pulls out an object.
WOODY
Pillowcases.
MICHAEL
Why?
WOODY
It’s a long story.
MICHAEL
We have all day.
WOODY
I’ll tell you, but I don’t take it
seriously. I mean I have taken it
seriously just in case with all the
security around this place, but I
think it’s the same thing as having
a crazed fan.
MICHAEL
What did you do?
WOODY
I didn’t do anything. When I was
little I had this baby sitter who
hated me because I was constantly
practicing my clarinette. I wasn’t
so great at it in the beginning, so
of course I sounded terrible. To
her at least.
MICHAEL
So she hated listening to you.
WOODY
Yes…and she went so far as to
tell me that she could kill me if
she wanted to. That she could take
a pillow case and suffocate me
until I stopped breathing.
Michael laughs and shakes his head.
10.
WOODY (CONT’D)
It’s not that funny, I mean she
tried but then she stopped, so I’m
obviously still alive. But that day
when she left she forgot her purse
when she walked out the door,
across the street.
(Pause)
I saw that she had left her purse
on the table so I called out for
her to come back and get it, and it
caught her off guard you could say,
and the next thing I knew or rather
she knew she was getting hit by a
car travelling at 60 miles an hour.
MICHAEL
And she died?
WOODY
Of course she died. Not many people
can survive that kind of an
accident.
MICHAEL
So some lunatic is sending you
pillow cases now?
WOODY
I found out from the police, when I
made the report of receiving these
strange envelopes that the guy is
her cousin or something and he
thinks it’s my fault that she died.
MICHAEL
Because you tried to call her back?
WOODY
Yes!
MICHAEL
Seems ridiculous.
WOODY
I know. What was I about 12 years
old at the time. That’s over 70
years ago. Why would they be coming
after me now?
Michael laughs.
11.
MICHAEL
You can’t possibly take this guy
serious. It’s probably just some
twisted fan. You know how weird
people can get when they really
like someone in the hollywood
scene.
WOODY
I mean at least I have all this
extra security. My anxiety is
already bad enough.
Michael shakes his head, leaning forward in his seat.
Woody nervously throws the pillow case and envelope to the
ground, and goes through the script.
WOODY (CONT’D)
We’re going to have to go back. But
this time follow what Michael said.
We’ll just try it that way, one
time.
Michael claps in agreement.
MICHAEL
Make it good.
INT. OFF CAMERA – STUDIO SET – RAFTERS – DAY
Georgie, AGE 37, italian, thin man removes long objects from
his trench coat and fashions together a sniper riffle.
He remains hidden behind Woody Allen.
Nicolette watches him carefully.
POV Georgie’s scope.
WOODY
Cue music. Action.
Randy grabs Nicolette’s hand, bringing her back, spins her to
the dance floor.
NICOLETTE
(Singing) Oh you’re acting sweet.
Randy sweeps Nicolette across the floor. Pulling her leg up
beside, revealing a blade.
12.
WOODY
(Whispering) Cue villains.
A man sitting at the bar, lowers his newspaper revealing a
gun, turns to Randy to shoot.
Randy throws the blade, it slices his throat, the gun drops.
NICOLETTE
(Singing) I know what that means…
Nicolette removes the handgun from the inside of Randy’s
jacket.
Randy spins her outward. At the extent of her spin she shots
at waiter, carrying a plate, concealing a gun beneath.
He falls to the floor.
Randy spins her in close.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D)
(Singing) Oh these games we
play…always end the
same…selfish love.
Three men drop their disguises, and begin shooting.
SOUND music takes over all sound.
Randy rolls Nicolette behind a couch.
They shoot back from behind cover.
MICHAEL
Machine gun.
People scatter throughout the restaurant.
NICOLETTE
(Mouths) You go.
RANDY
(Mouths) Right left right, like the
dance.
Nicolette nods, pulls her dress to a knot at the side
revealing a second gun, that’s live.
Nicolette steps around the couch.
NICOLETTE
Cover me!
13.
RANDY
Wait for the end of the song.
Nicolette nods to Randy. Randy covers her.
Nicolette attacks with an array of bullets.
Woody waves, signaling to the men to set off the sparks for
the shots around the villans.
More villian’s pour into the scene.
Nicolette ducks behind a chair.
INT. OFF CAMERA – STUDIO SET – RAFTERS – DAY
A second explosion goes off.
The rafters rattle.
Georgie looses his focus on the shot, and falls to the side.
Woody hears the sound and looks up behind him. Georgies lies
down flat so not to be seen.
WOODY
Did you hear that?
Michael leaps out of his chair in celebration.
MICHAEL
Good! Good. Follow the beat.
Each beat flows with the chorus Selfish Love, by Jesse Ware.
Georgie, resets himself.
CAMERA view from inside the scope. Picture focuses on Woody.
Georgie places his finger on the trigger.
SOUND cell phone vibrates from Georgie’s pocket.
He answers.
GEORGIE
I told you not to call me, EVER.
Chatter on the opposite side of the phone.
GEORGIE (CONT’D)
I wasn’t no, just the initial
target.
(MORE)
14.
(Pause)
How much? Oh yes I will. I’m on it
bye.
Georgie focuses his gun on Randy. Nicolette catches the
movement beyond the set. She lifts up a small table beside
her, throwing it in Randy’s direction as a bullet shots from
Georgie’s gun.
Randy ducks, and moves behind a different couch.
INT. ON SET – ITALIAN RESTAURANT – DAY
RANDY
He’s shooting at me? He must have a
new hit.
Nicolette rushes behind a wall shooting intermittently. Randy
runs to her side.
NICOLETTE
(Whispering) Those aren’t your
lines.
RANDY
(Whispering) What are they?
NICOLETTE
Cover me.
RANDY
We’re going to have to keep an eye
on him too.
NICOLETTE
Maybe he’s trying to take us out
first, to get us out of the way.
RANDY
You know Georgie…
Randy reloads his gun.
CAMERA shots the villan’s while they talk.
NICOLETTE
Yeah. He’s getting paid to do it or
it’s not worth his time.
RANDY
Now we have to finish our hit first
while keeping ourselves alive.
GEORGIE (CONT’D)
15.
NICOLETTE
Should we take him out to?
RANDY
I think we have to.
Nicolette takes the safety off her loaded gun.
RANDY (CONT’D)
The song is halfway done. Go now.
Take him out. I’m supposed to block
the shots in the scene. Don’t break
character.
NICOLETTE
Okay.
Nicolette cocks her gun. She comes out shooting at the
villian’s. She rolls herself on the ground. In doing so she
reaches into her hair for a small knife, throwing the blade
as she stands, concealing herself behind a wall on the
opposite side of the room.
The blade shoots across the room, faster than anyone one set
can see, however, it is seen in slow motion from the camera’s
view, following the back of the blade as it lodges into the
Georgie’s shoulder.
Georgie grunts, covering his mouth. He pulls away from the
shot, removing the blade slowly.
Woody looks behind him. The glare of the lights and gun shots
make him unable to see.
Woody is noticably uncomfortable.
WOODY
I think that we should stop for a
while.
MICHAEL
Stop what?
(Motioning to actors)
Now up and down, with the music,
good.
WOODY
I think that maybe a break would be
good for all of us. You know get
away from all the explosions and
take a minute to gather our heads
so that we can see where this scene
is going.
16.
MICHAEL
Didn’t you write the script?
WOODY
Yeah, but you know I kinda get
flustered when all this stuff is
going on. I, I, just don’t want the
point of the story to get lost in
all this. Do you really think that
the shooting should go on this
long. I’m not sure that it’s
necessary.
(Pause)
These two characters are supposed
to be in a relationship and they’re
acting more like business partners.
MICHAEL
Business partners that fall in
love. That’s how you pitched your
idea to me which is why I signed
on.
WOODY
Yes. But can we just meet somewhere
in the middle. That way at least
the scenes of mass destruction, or
attack will make sense to the
audience?
MICHAEL
What do you want to change?
Randy shoots as he crosses the room, to Nicolette’s corner.
He presses his back against the wall beside her. Shots fly
around them, missing their bodies by and inch.
Nicolette leans over, watching Georgie. Georgie has
recovered.
RANDY
When is he going to cut?
NICOLETTE
There are expensive explosions
happening right now. He’s going to
roll through the scene. This is a
one time shot.
RANDY
How do you know so much about film,
all of a sudden? And where did you
get that last knife?
17.
NICOLETTE
Since we were getting paid $100,000
for this hit. And, it was in my
hair.
RANDY
Just in case.
Nicolette winks.
NICOLETTE
Just in case.
RANDY
That’s why I love you.
NICOLETTE
Love is a strong word that you
shouldn’t be throwing around if you
don’t mean it.
RANDY
(Jokingly) You’re right. Maybe I
should just like you.
NICOLETTE
Tell that to your daughter.
Randy laughs.
RANDY
When’s my next line?
NICOLETTE
When you get to the bar, a guy
comes up from behind and tries to
stab you with a broken glass. You
grab his hand, pull his body
halfway across the table and slam
his head into the edge and say that
was easy.
RANDY
I’m really glad I’m not doing this
by myself.
NICOLETTE
Here.
Nicolette attempt to hand over the dummy gun, which looks
identical to hers.
A loud explosion goes off shaking the set unexpectedly. Randy
and Nicolette’s guns topple out of their hands to the ground.
18.
Randy and Nicolette look to one another.
RANDY
Which one is…yours?
NICOLETTE
Oh my god. I don’t know.
RANDY
Why are they identical?
NICOLETTE
I didn’t expect them to be.
RANDY
What do we do? Check the rounds.
Nicolette looks around the corner at Georgie, who is now
aimed at Woody.
Woody nervously shifts in his chair, flipping through pages
of the script for comfort.
NICOLETTE
We don’t have time to check the
rounds. Just take…that one.
Nicolette hands a gun to Randy, and he takes the other.
RANDY
Are you sure? What if I have the
live gun?
NICOLETTE
Then you’ll have to take the shot.
RANDY
After you. You’ll be in a better
position than me.
NICOLETTE
You’ll just have to watch me
closely, like you did on our first
date.
Randy kisses Nicolette, and ducks across the room to the bar.
A villain pops out from behind the bar. He pulls the man up
by the collar of his shirt, using his body to knock him
against the surface. The man pretends to pass out.
Randy looks over to Nicolette, who has crossed into the
center of the room.
19.
She hold her hand out aiming for the villian, who has yet to
bring out his gun.
MICHAEL
Here comes the big shot.
Woody looks off to the side, where he dropped the pillow
case.
His attention flows across the floor to the wall, where
several wires look as though they have been tampered with.
Woody has a feeling that something is wrong.
WOODY
Maybe we stop here.
MICHAEL
Way, way, way, wait…
Woody looks back to the wall.
WOODY
Are the wires supposed to be like
that?
MICHAEL
Here it comes.
Michael is at the edge of his chair.
Michael looks over to the effects guy. He nods, and the guy
nods in response.
A grenade sound goes off to most of the characters surprise.
Randy ducks down covering his ears, then looks to Nicolette.
Nicolette, flinches at the villian who has also ducked down
from the sound. The rest of the crew follow suit, bringing
them to the ground.
Georgie pulls the trigger toward Woody but misses, just as
Woody ducks to the ground. Instead he grazes his shoulder.
WOODY
Ahhh…
RANDY
Shoot!
Nicolette turns her aim at Georgie, blindly.
She shoots. It’s a blank.
20.
SLOW MOTION
She looks back to Randy. Randy shoots following her aim, at
catches Georgie in the head.
Georgie falls to the ground.
RANDY (CONT’D)
(Mouths) Here.
Randy throws Nicolette the gun. She catches it.
NICOLETTE
(Mouths) Get down.
Randy crawls over to Nicolette.
The room echo’s in a screeching ring that’s running through
everyone’s ears.
RANDY
Take the shot now!
Nicolette looks beyond the glare of the set lights, seeing
Woody on the floor.
Woody turns his chest towards Nicolette.
Nicolette shoots.
Woody is hit directly in his heart. He gasps, falling
lifeless to the ground.
Blood quickly crowds him
Michael regains his senses long enough to see Woody shot.
The continuos ringing, brings Michael back down.
He quickly moves off to the corner of the set.
Nicolette looks to Randy.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Shots the cords.
Nicolette ears ring, and she grabs the side of her head.
Randy comes beside her. He takes the gun.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Where is it?
Nicolette points off to the side of the set.
21.
Randy spots the wires.
He aims, and shots. He grabs a hold of Nicolette. They run to
the door.
Ringing fades into the music Selfish Love by Jesse Ware.
CAMERA close on Randy and Nicolette’s feet as they exit the
building, into the studio lot.
SLOW MOTION
Each step follows the beat of the song.
MUSIC
…Selfish Love…oh your acting
sweet, and I know what that means.
Selfish Love…oh you’re acting
sweet. I know what that means.
(Pause)
Selfish Love…Selfish
Love…Selfish Love…Selfish Love.
Guitar fishes the song. Randy and Nicolette head around the
building holding hands. They reach a go cart and get on
quickly.
MUSIC STOPS
The building explodes.
Randy drives a ways down the street, then slows them so as to
not attract suspicion.
RANDY
Well if he wasn’t dead before, he’s
definitely dead now.
Nicolette removes her hands from her ears.
Randy reaches to the back seat of the go cart noticing some
clothing items.
He hands them to Nicolette for her to change into.
NICOLETTE
Very funny. You’re just jealous
because this is the first time that
I technically made everything blow
up. You really do have selfish
love, don’t you.
22.
RANDY
Of course I love you. And yes,
sometimes I’m selfish about it.
Randy leans in to kiss Nicolette.
The two turn a corner, just as an ambulance passes in the
opposite direction.
Ambulance sound fades.
Picture fades to black.
MUSIC heard, fading in Selfish Love by Jesse Ware
Music continues to play lightly.
CUT TO:
BLACK
THE END
23.

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